I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
