Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I love you. Go after that dick
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
