Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
