Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize