Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
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I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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