On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
