Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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