Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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