and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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