Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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