My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
