Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
soo... how was my night?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
