yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
