Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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