Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
