I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dating After Heartbreak
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.