Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
