I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want