ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog