you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.