I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.