cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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