Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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