Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
