My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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