The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
