Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
