i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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