I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize