im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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