I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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