grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm at about main and main street
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
