I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
