I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
