This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
