Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
