JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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