Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
