so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
