my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
