So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
