I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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