I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
