16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
