Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You are a genius and a whore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
