five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
