Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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