And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
