Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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