i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
