I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
