dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
