Me. At least after what I've been through.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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