Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
