You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
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That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize