He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
