My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
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I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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