My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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