i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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