Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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