i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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