I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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