I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i need an iv and a liver transplant
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
