Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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