I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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