I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
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