No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
