Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
