Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
