Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize