She is in my trunk
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
