I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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